Gubug Reot

Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

The following is an actual question given on a
University of
Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by
one student was so profound that the professor
shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pleasure of
enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)
or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle’s law (gas cools when it expands and
heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following: First,
we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing
in time. So we need to know the rate at which
souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume
that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many
souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of
these religions state that if you are not a member
of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is
more than one of these religions and since people
do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and
death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for
the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the
same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added. This gives two
possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate
than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature
and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster
than the increase of souls in Hell, then the
temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold
day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night,
then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure
that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell
has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting
any more souls and is therefore, extinct…leaving
only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a
divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa
kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"